Living in the Land of Summer

So today was awesome.  I recently started working in the acquisitions department at my internship, which has been so much fun.  I've read a few scripts and watched parts of movies and given feedback/suggested buying or not buying the script/movie.  It's pretty fun.  And today I got to go right from lunch to a screening of a film that we recently bought.
Super vague, I know.  Long story short: my internship is awesome.
I would love to make a career out of the stuff I've been doing at my internship.  It's so exciting.
For once in my life I have a solid idea of what I'd like to do with my life!
So exciting.
And this Friday I am going to another free movie screening which is super exciting.
I love LA.
I'm aware that this isn't the real world because I'm still a privileged student with few responsibilities, but I don't care.  I'm enjoying it while it's here.
Oh, the land of summertime.
It's magical.
Who knew I would love heat so much?  Turns out it's the humidity that I really can't stand.
I actually enjoy walking around in the sunshine now.

Also, it's time to think about what I will be doing in January.
Will I return to Belfast?
There is a part of the movie that I saw today that takes place in Ireland, and it killed me.  I really almost cried seeing the scenes there.  It looked just like Belfast.
I miss it so much.
But at the same time, I don't know if it would be productive for me to go.
Beneficial for me or the community.  It's very information-heavy and not so much volunteer-heavy.
It's a fantastic trip and was so valuable to me, but if it's the exact same as last year, I'm not sure I would get so much out of it.
Maybe I would.
I don't know.
Also, Steven won't be there.  So that's sad.
Also also, Monica.
Will I be able to hold it together?  I feel like it would be really hard to be there without her, since that was where we had the strongest connection.  That's where we were the closest.
And as I write this and really think about the weight of what that would mean to go back there, I feel as though I have to.  That I really want to, need to.
Maybe going to Belfast would release me, release her.
I still feel like she's going to come back most days.  I've almost texted her a few times since being in LA.  Those are the absolute worst moments.
At the same time, I don't want to go to Belfast just for my own purposes.  I want to go to be helpful and to learn about the city and love them.  Because I love Belfast.
Now I really want to go.
But it's such a scary thought.
Steven won't be there.  Monica won't be there.
I really love Belfast.
I don't know what to do.