I had a really sad dream last night.  I decided to jump a train to Michigan, to the development where my grandparents lived together, where my grandma now lives alone.  I got there and started running through the development to their house, but it wasn't there.  The whole block was just gone.  And so I turned and ran and got lost in the blur of houses, and ended up at this house next to a lake and went inside.  My grandma was there cooking and she saw me and was so happy to see me and she looked so healthy and happy and I decided I wouldn't leave, I'd stay there with her.  And then reality woke me up, and I realized I probably would never see her truly happy again like she was in my dream, like she was before my grandpa got sick last February and died four months later.

It's surreal, death and all the events that follow.  I was there in his hospital room for the last week of his life, I was there to call my dad and sister when my mom found out he had died, I was there in a nice dress greeting people at his viewing, and I was there giving the eulogy at his funeral service.  I was there for all of it, and I'm not sure I'll ever feel like it was real.  

But I miss him, and I miss the way my grandma was when she was with him.