you're gonna leave all of this behind
into the deep with a fist of light; you're gonna be all right.

My body is so tired.
Today was stressful.  We (Liz, Kesh, Tibbs & I) had to move our stuff out of our rooms and into storage at our apartment building.  Lots of stuff, lots of energy.  And it was stressful because we have so much crap.  I think Sarah and I have significantly more crap than Kesh and Liz, and it took forever to haul it all out.  And then we ran out of room in storage.  So in the morning I have to load everything up again and bring it to the house I babysit at because the mother so kindly is allowing me to store all my extra crap in her basement.  And then we load up the remaining crap, and Laura and I will leave.
Lots of tired.
I want to go home.
I'm so so tired and I just want to be home.
I need a neck massage.
Also, Tibbs is on a date.
A DATE.
With a really really great guy and I'm sooooo excited for her and I'm dying to know everything.
It's their first date.
It's her first date ever.
And he's so great.
Jealous?
Of course.
But so so so happy for her.
Also, I had a really successful shopping day.
There's an FYE near my school that's closing so it's having a huge sale.  So being the movie junkie that I am, I bought ten movies...but all for under 30 dollars!
So excited.
Oh man, but so sleepy.
I think I had a dream that the people I babysit for told me I could nap while the kids are asleep.
I can't tell if that was a dream or if they have actually told me that.
I think I just really want to sleep.
Goodnight, friends!
[don't worry, I'm not really going to sleep while babysitting]
[[i'll update you on Tibbs's date sometime soon]]
<3

SARAH[TIBBS] IS GOING ON A DATE TOMORROW!!!!
She's currently involved in a long email conversation with said boy.
Meanwhile my night consists of Adam Chanler-Berat singing me to sleep.
If only he was attracted to women.
And I knew him.
And we had anything in common.


Depressing.

Sandy Hook Elementary is a little less than three hours away from Gordon.  A six year old girl was killed in the shooting; her father is an alumnus of Gordon.  At least seventeen other kids were killed.
My church here in Beverly had already scheduled a 'special event' for this Sunday, and they decided that even in light of the recent tragedy, they were going to follow through with their original plans.
So after our pastor preached about the tragedy and we all cried for the kids and families, a group of about ten pre-schoolers went on stage and sung 'This Little Light of Mine', followed by some elementary school kids singing a Christmas carol.  We all cried.
How could someone hurt a child?
He was my age, the kid that open fired at that school.  He killed his mom, teachers, six year olds.  
How do you go on from this?  How do you live your life after someone murders your baby girl while they are at school?
I can't stop thinking about this.
These kids, agh they were just kids!  How do you respond, cope, help?
After the kids sang in church today, we all sang the chorus 'Because You're with me, I will not fear' for a while.  And I kept imagining these arms ushering kids away from the pain and into heaven at that school, unafraid because they were being led in.  If only it were that peaceful.
They were just kids.

I feel so so guilty.
I just read a letter I've received from Deisy, the little girl I sponsor in Colombia.  I haven't gotten one of her letters for somewhere around six months, and to be honest I haven't thought about her as often as I should.
I've sponsored this little girl for the past four years now, and she really loves me.  She has so little but she seems so happy and so in awe of life and animals and the ocean.  She ends every letter with telling me she thanks God for my life.  She sends me in this letter Psalm 9:10.
Those who know Your name trust in You,
for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.
She's so smart; she started writing to me in her own handwriting when she was six and I remember being so surprised at how well she wrote.  She tells me in this letter that she's gotten excellent grades this semester, as she always has.  She asks me if I'm proud of her.
I like to think that she's a little like me; she tells me she likes to daydream and she loves wearing ribbons in her hair and playing with dolls.
She tells me her wish this Christmas is to someday hear my voice.

Who am I to mean so much to this little girl?

So we've arrived (Kesh, Teebs&I) in New Hampshire to celebrate Christmas and Hanukah.
This place just feels like home.
I love everything about being at Kesha's.
Also, I've been listening to this band and I'm getting obsessed.
It's called Right Away Great Captain!
And I love it.


We're cutting down a Christmas tree today.
Words cannot express my excitement.
I love friends and Christmas and New Hampshire and cold.
Joy.

The last 24 hours need to be explained.
Or rather, recorded.
Because they were weird.
So things were crazy with my schedule yesterday.  I went to class and found out in class that Kesh, Lizard, Tibbs, and I got an apartment for next semester!  Liz's friend Kitty will also be living with us, and I'm so so excited.
After class I went to my professor's office and filmed him for a bit and then got lunch.  After lunch I went to my room with Kesh and tried to figure out a budget for next semestr (fail), and then I had to go pick up Jack from school.  So after that I got dinner with Kesh, and then I ran around like a crazy person trying to find two people to help Ari and I film that night (fail).
Before I knew it it was time to begin filming (8pm).
Our goal was to get to the train station before 8:25 so we could film the train leaving, but on the way there we realized Ari was out of gas so we had to stop, and consequently missed the train.  Also, at the last minute (literally, as we were about to pull out of Gordon) a Gordon student Ari met a week ago said he'd help us with sound, so we got to go pick him up and take him with us and our actors.
Anywho we missed the train, but it was fine because another one came like twenty minutes later.  Ari's other friend, Ronnie, met us at the train station as well to help, so that was fantastic.
Filming was really good and really stressful because it was dark, Ari and I were tired, and we both film very different ways.  I like to reshoot every shot about four times before moving on and Ari likes to be very precise in one shoot and wrap it and move on.  But it worked out, I'd say.  We got a lot of really good shots, and we even recruited some guys on the street to act for one scene.  We began filming about 8:15, and we wrapped at 11:30.  Then we all went to McDonald's to feed our cast and crew, and then we went back to Gordon to drop Olivia and Pierre, our actors, off at their dorms.  The rest of us (Ari and her friends Ronnie and Josh) decided to take a break and chill together before going on to edit.
So we decide to take Josh's hookah to a nearby soccer field and smoke.
So we go, and we do.  The boys were so funny and we all had a lot of fun getting to know each other and being goofy.  It was such a fun time, driving around and smoking and laughing and talking with good people you don't know.
By the way, did you know that smoking hookah in a soccer field is totally legal?
I didn't.
While we were sitting there a police car drove up and said hello, and Josh said hey and that we were smoking some hookah.  The officer asked if we were from Gordon, we said yes, and he chuckled and told us to have a good night.
So we did.
And at two am, while laying on the pavement talking and looking at the moon, we decided it was time to go back and get to editing.
So we dropped the boys off, and Ari and I went to CVS to get some coffee/soda/snacks for editing.  When we returned to Gordon, around 2:40am I run into my room and change out of my wet clothes (we had been sitting on wet pavement at the field) and took out my contacts, and on we go to Barrington to begin editing.
Except it was locked.
So we call GoPo.
And they tell us that we aren't permitted in without a written note after 2am.
News to us.
So i go back to my room and sleep for two hours, got up at 5:30 and walked to the lab and edited for three hours till my class at 9am.
Went to class.
Went to chapel.
Got lunch.
Now I'm going to take a shower and go to my three hour class.
After class I have a panel for sustainability to go to for chapel credit, and then a meeting with my floor.
And then I can sleep, I suppose.
Unless I have homework due tomorrow.
I haven't even checked.