Another week down, and wait...what is this...only one more to go?
Yes, it's true.  A week from Sunday I will be driving back to Jersey.
I hate everything about that statement.
I don't want to leave, every time I think of it I imagine myself latching onto my door frame while people tug at my legs to go out the door.
I don't want to do it.
I feel like I'm leaving my family.
And this means things are going to change.  All sorts of change.
I will never have the same relationship with these people that I'm living with, because I'll only see them from time to time during the school year.  I'm also nervous about going back to my school friends.
I've changed.
I feel like during this summer I've been demolished and rebuilt, and I barely recognize myself.  So how will my friends deal with this?
Honestly, I don't know if they'll still like me.  Sure, it's still me, but the way I deal with things and interact with people has changed, I think.  Also, I spent so much of last year feeling sad and unfulfilled, I wonder sometimes if my friends will dislike the new me because they're used to me being an emo bum.
I was hanging out with my friend Steven a few nights ago and was telling me that there is a noticeable change in my demeanor.  I'm afraid that going back to school and back in the swing of things with the same people in the same environment will bring me back down.
Not to say that my friends bring me down.  They're great and I don't want to replace them or get rid of them or anything, I'm just full of nerves.
But then there is the excitement.  I'm on a roll, in a good place in life and I'm ready and excited to tackle this semester.
Also, nine days until I'm 20.  I no longer have a gag reflex at the thought, but I am by no means excited.
Goodnight friends, enjoy your weekend :)