There's a CD by As Cities Burn called Son, I loved you at your darkest.  I liked this band years ago, probably when I was in middle school, but I always think of that phrase, the name of the album.  For most of my life I thought that I had been abandoned because I had disappointed everyone: family, friends, God.  Although I now have a deeper understanding of what love and faith are, I still sometimes wonder how it could be possible.  I think of myself at my lowest, my darkest, and wonder how anyone can stand me, let alone love me?  It doesn't make any sense.
And these are the things that I think about in the wee hours of the morning.  I've realized that during the day, I really have nothing to blog about because I'm either melting my brain by watching silly sitcoms, or doing homework.  But late at night when that deep thinking that happens when you're falling asleep begins, I get all of these blog topics running through my head.
Yes, I now think in terms of blog topics. I'm not ashamed.
Anywho, tonight I'm listening to music that is sending me back into memories of my past life.
That summer when everything was so exciting, and I was so in love with the idea of love.  When I would go to the beach with Stephanie and blast Taylor Swift in the car and talk about how cute our boys were.  When I went on a trip and a boy I liked played me songs on the piano.  Such cheesy, ridiculously girly things...but they all come back sometimes as I fall asleep.
Memories are strange things.  I try so hard to remember certain things (we all know I'm not too good in that department) and can't, but I also can't shake a lot of memories that I'd rather forget.  That, my friends, is why there is always a camera in your face.  I love to film everything because I'm so afraid that if I don't, I'll forget.
Anywho, this is getting far too deep and sentimental.
I'm going to bed.