Farewell To The Season Of Benny

Benny is officially totaled.  I have to clear out all of my belongings and remove the license plates tomorrow so they can take him away on Wednesday.  We're getting almost twice what we paid for him, so while that's good news, he's still my Benny.  He had so much character.

His chunk missing in front.

The ghetto sheet metal now covering that chunk.

The mystery problems that tended to solve themselves with time.

The ever-present check engine light even when his engine was checked frequently.

The habit of hurting people.

The habit of getting hurt.

I got my first head wound/hospital visit from hitting my head on Benny's door and the trunk suddenly slammed onto Kesha's head once while she was trying to take luggage out.

And now, he's dead.

Back when I first got him in summer '09.

Sometimes I think I'm being punished.  Seriously, like God is punishing me for not being a good person, a good christian.  With the la vida/wild semester saga, not getting into ireland, not getting into chapel band, having the worst luck in relationships, being sick all of the time, getting bad grades despite long study sessions, being laid off from one of my jobs.

Is all of this stress and loneliness punishment?  Is this a selfish way of thinking?  Does this happen to everyone?  Maybe I just think my life is worse than everyone else's because it's happening to me.  Or am I being punished?  I'm not as angry about my life if I consider this, because if I think of all the things I've done and said and thought, I deserve a lot worse.

Or maybe it's just seasons.  There are seasons for everything, right?  I had an amazing summer, maybe it's time for a season of loss.