HOMEWORK IS SO HARD.
Not the content so much as the discipline.
Sitting down and reading texts that are pretty dry and dense is so freakin' hard.
I know what you're thinking, rolling your eyes and judging me.
"Yes, Sarah, welcome to college, where we do homework."
Well listen, sassy reader, once you have a taste of something you love, like film school, it's ten times harder to return to the thing you don't love.
I'd rather be writing my scripts or watching a movie.
Oh how I miss film school.
I keep telling myself that I just need to get back 'into the swing of things'.
Is that true?  Will I ever really get back into a comfortable routine here?  I don't know.
But I've realized that being back with Kesha and Sarah and Laura is enough to make me thankful for returning to Gordon.
So we have my ups and downs of Gordon so far this semester.
I refuse to accept anything other than the fact that great things are to come.
Happy Monday, friends, and welcome to the final semester of my college career.

In six days I will be driving back to Gordon for my final semester of college.  This is the time where I extract all that college has to offer and enjoy it.  So naturally, I've found a list of suggestions for my final semester.  There are several that are irrelevant to my life, but most of these are gems that I hope to follow.

I'm copying this from Total Sorority Move (http://totalfratmove.com/39-things-you-must-do-your-last-semester-of-college/).

After exams you didn’t study for, homework you didn’t do, and bar tabs your parents are still paying off, these college years are coming to a close. A chapter is ending — and it’s a really fucking good one. Enjoy these last few months. Enjoy them with everything you have.

1. Stay out all night. Literally stay out until the sun comes up. Reminisce, shoot the shit, drink too much. You have your whole adult life for sleep.

2. Start applying for internships/jobs now. Between the binge drinking and the class skipping, find time to be proactive. You’ll be glad you did.

3. Learn how to write a good cover letter. This is important. You must stand out.

4. Stop sending nude pictures. These will come back to haunt you. Seriously. Stop it.

5. Make every single form of social media you have private. Your future employers WILL search for you and trust me, they won’t like what they find.

6. Wake up in a freshman dorm. Once you’re out of college, hooking up with an eighteen-year-old is for the morally bankrupt. Roll in the hay – or crib, as it may be – one last time.

7. Be stupid – but not too stupid.

8. Make or break it with the college sweetheart. If it’s not forever, let it die. Being a recent postgrad is hard enough. No one needs a shitty relationship, to boot.

9. Thank your parents. Mean it.

10. Skip class and go to a bar. Your professors will be more forgiving than your future bosses will.

11. Stop cheating. Stop plagiarizing. Stop scanning. Stop skimming.

12. Realize that the right thing will not always be the easy thing. Deal with it.

13. Start becoming the person you really want to be.

14. Stop making excuses.

15. Read something written by Dave Ramsey. Learn how to balance a checkbook. Manage your money.

16. Stop buying stupid shit. You will have to pay your own bills soon enough. Try not to go into debt.

17. Put. Down. Your. Phone.

18. Take mental pictures of everything. Real memories don’t need to be filtered or snapped, the good ones need to be cherished in your mind.

19. Start taking responsibility for your achievements, and more importantly, for your mistakes.

20. Credit cards are only fun until you have to pay the bill. Remember that.

21. Use condoms. And birth control. And maybe even spermicide for good measure. You know what’s fun? Sex. You know what’s not? A baby.

22. Learn to like coffee that isn’t $7 a cup.

23. Drink more water. Your hangovers get exponentially worse as soon as you cross that graduation stage.

24. Pedialyte. This is your new best friend.

25. Stop thinking that the best years of your life are coming to an end. They’re good years, yes. But the best? No.

26. Do not address the fact that you are still on the family cell phone plan. Odds are, if you don’t mention it, neither will your parents. Ride this one out as long as possible.

27. Never “hashtag” in a work email. You think it’s funny. They think it’s obnoxious. #trustme

28. It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to be scared. These are scary times. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.

29. Get on some sort of fitness routine. You will gain weight after graduation and it will be awful.

30. Appreciate the friendships you have now. Do your best to maintain them, but understand that some people are not meant to stay in your life for forever. It’s okay.

31. Forgive the person who broke your heart, but also unfriend them on Facebook. There’s nothing quite as awful as seeing the engagement announcement of a former flame.

32. It is likely that you will move back home at some point within the two years following graduation. Try not to be unbearable. Your parents won’t like it, either.

33. People get dumped, people get fired, people get sick. Be as carefree as possible for these last few months. Real life is scary. Right now doesn’t have to be.

34. This is not the happiest you will ever be. It feels like it is, but it’s not.

35. Actually attend class for once. Your parents are paying a lot of money for you to dick around.

36. People will start getting engaged, married, and having babies throughout the next year. It really is okay if you’re not one of them.

37. A relationship does not definite your self-worth or happiness. Concentrate on yourself for a while. Now is a good time to be selfish.

38. Stop smoking.

39. You’re never too old to ask for help. Remember that.

So This is the New Year.

I went to Ireland this year.  So weird, it feels like years ago.
I started my year in Ireland, and am ending it in New York City.
I had one very bad semester, and one very good.
I had four internships this year and learned a lot with each, although only two of them I really liked.
I did not crash a car this year (that's cause enough to celebrate).
I made an abundance of new friends, and lost one.
I have grown up a lot, despite my wishes to not.
This year has been so full.  Full of love and joy but also pain and despair.
I keep thinking of this movie I saw one, called Elena, llena de gracia.
Llena de gracia.  The word 'llena' means full, but it seems more encompassing of the meaning than the English word.
Llena de gracia, full of grace.
My year has been llena de gracia.
I am thankful for the depth of emotion and learning that I have swam through this year.
My New Years resolution is to start letting things go.  Not completely, but enough to move forward and be happy.
I want to go back next semester and appreciate Gordon and my last semester there, rather than grieving my semester in LA.  I want to keep my eyes open and notice how full life is and the wonder in that.
I am excited for a New Year, and I feel like I can peacefully release 2013.
Happy New Year, friends!

Everything around me seems to be reminding me that I'm getting older.

Growing up.

Heather came home for Christmas for one day before she had to go back to the city for work.  It's so weird that she's an adult now.

And as I sit in her apartment in Harlem while she's at church I can't help but think about where I will be next.

Will I have my own cheap apartment in NYC?  Chicago?  LA?

I keep trying to imagine what life will be like come May, but I can't see anything.  

My brain can't comprehend the concept enough to develop a plan.

Where will I go?  What will I do?  What purpose should I be working to fulfill?

It both comforts me and worries me that Heather is still working on answering these questions, at 24 with a great job.

We shall see.

There is so much peace that comes with Christmas Eve night.  I'm surrounded by family and Christmas hymns and movies expressing joy and love.  So much happy.  I know that the morning brings exciting traditions like presents and hot chocolate, but I'm most excited about the hefty dose of family that I will be taking in.
I have the greatest family in the world.
Today we had our yearly Christmas Eve party, and then my whole family went to the Christmas Eve service at church--even Stephanie and her boyfriend came with us.  Then afterwards we got in our pjs and watched a Christmas movie and joked and laughed until deciding we couldn't stay up any longer.  So now, at 2:02 am, I am turning on 'Polar Express' and going to sleep.
I find myself consistently happy on each Christmas Eve night, and this year is no exception.
I still feel the magic of this night that I felt as a kid waiting for Santa.
I really love Christmas.
Have a wonderful Christmas, friends.

A girl that I graduated with died suddenly a few days ago.
I don't know what the cause of death was, but it was the second death from my graduating class in two weeks.
I've known this girl my whole life, but hadn't talked to her since we were friends in elementary school.  I can't stop thinking of her little sister...and what I would do if my sister was suddenly gone forever.
I spent all of this time thinking about why some people are chosen to survive and some are chosen to die...and it never makes sense.  I can't find a rhythm or formula to it.  It just happens.  It's maddening.
To slip away from this world so easily...I'll never understand.

Rest, Dani Cummings.  I hope you are at peace.

People keep asking me what it's like being home.
I don't know what to tell them.
It's not bad, really, but not good either.  It kind of just is what it is.
I was expecting it to be both bad and good, but it's really not either.
It has, however, only been four days.
I miss my friends, and I miss being productive and having endless things to do.
The perks of living in a big city.
And now I have mountains of crap all around my room from LA and Gordon and Jersey...
I think I'm sick of moving.  Packing and unpacking only to do it again in four months or less.
I miss the consistency of living in my parents' house.  One address, one zip code, one bedroom to myself.
My mom is turning my bedroom into a guest room this week.
I'm officially a guest in my parents' house.
So weird.
It's time to watch a Christmas movie and pretend I'm still young.
Goodnight, friends!